It’s been a really rough week.
I’ve hesitated to write about it for several reasons:
a) I’d probably start crying, and I’ve cried enough at the office this week.
b) It would make this feel more realistic.
and c) I hate sounding like a Negative Nancy online. That’s what most blogs seem to be used for — to whine and complain. And I never wanted this site to become a festival of complaining.
But, it’s been tough.
Thanks to my incredibly understanding and wise boyfriend, compassionate sister, and encouraging parents, I am halfway done with my third week — taking this one day at a time.
While Skyping with my parents, my father said to me: “Lauren, sometimes failure simply means a revelation, not that you didn’t succeed.”
And I’ve had a lot of revelations this week.
I’d always thought that I was a bit of a restless soul, feeling wanderlust, desiring to see the world. I felt a void in my life that needed to be filled and I thought that travel and new experiences would fill that.
Instead, I arrived more empty that I thought possible.
But God’s been filling me up, encouraging me in the most amazing ways. Today as I was driving to work, I saw a sign in English with a bible verse on it. This was amazing for two reasons:
a) I’ve never seen it before, and I’ve been riding the same route for two weeks
b) It was in English. Hardly anything is in English.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Colossians 3:23
Suddenly, working in a job that I despise became a whole lot easier. It was like God sent a giant breath of fresh air in my direction.
He’s been doing that a lot lately.
So now, thanks to Pintrest, this cute print hangs above my computer. Pretty awesome reminder.
I keep thinking, while I’m helping my mom in the 106 degree weather:
“Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
So good to remember.
I dropped a friend off at the airport a few days ago and I began to develop that itchy feeling as I walked her to the gate.
I wanted to go too.
Not necessarily with her, but go, get out, see things …
This summer I’ve been considering and praying about moving to South Korea and teaching ESL in Seoul.
Big step, huh?
But as soon as I stepped foot in the airport, I knew it was what I want to do. But I also want God to be first in my life, so this decision belongs to him, not me. My current job ends in one week. I have a concert, a wedding, and what happens after that is a giant hole.
But I like it that way. It leaves plenty of room for surprises.
Is it too late for this?
I don’t think so.
In Real Simple, I read an article once on fighting procrastination. In it, the writer advised that one should re-evaluate the day, and the to-do list, at 2:00 in the afternoon. If this holds true to other areas of life, then it’s time to re-evaluate the summer, halfway through, or at “2:00 in the afternoon.”
In doing so, I’m thinking about the things I’ve done well so far:
-Drinking a lot of water.
-Nurturing my relationships with the girls in my youth group
But I also have a few things I’d like to improve on before the summer ends:
-Spend more time outdoors!
-Hike at least two 14ers
-Spend some 1 on 1 time with a few girls that have been on my heart.
I need to keep reminding myself that time is the ultimate gift. I’ve never regretted spending time on people.
So here’s to the rest of the summer! We’re only halfway done!
This semester, I began taking piano lessons. After my first lesson, I was over the moon, completely in love with the piano, knew I was going to be the next Chris Martin.
I was wrong.
Now, four months into lessons, I HATE the piano. It has become the bane of existence. I don’t like practicing. My fingers don’t move as quickly as I’d like for them to. The notes confuse me. And if I hear “Every good boy does fine,” one more time, I might scream.
But I have to finish my lessons.
And I’m thankful that I tried. Because you don’t really know what you like until you try something that you hate. Isn’t that life? Figuring out what is good and what isn’t.
Listening to the piano, that is good.
Playing the piano? Not so good.
I’m sticking to being a piano spectator. And I can now cross “Learn to play the piano” off my life list.
So I’m knee deep into my senior research paper. Literally, knee deep. I could build a fort from the paper and books I’ve collected. But I love.my.topic.
More on that later.
Projects are essential. I need a project. I need something that inspires me to get going, a project that requires a reward when finished.
A life without a project really isn’t a life at all, is it?
So I will continue to breathe deeply the moldy musk of the library, and trudge through my forest made of parchment.
Do you ever feel so excited that you want to hug the future? Take the infinite unknown into your arms and squeeze it, because it’s all that will fully encompass the emotion felt at that precise moment?
That’s how I feel when I look at the stills from Project Impossible, an award-winning exhibit that reuses material to create something new: “In order to create the most beautiful analog instant film ever, Impossible optimized the new film material into every single detail. One of these details is the so-called darkslide.
Basically the darkslide is a purely technical necessity, protecting the film from light as long as it is outside the camera. Impossible is converting the darkslides in collector cards by transforming them into an area to present art projects. On a regular basis we will invite artists to develop refreshing, creative and inspiring content that turns the Impossible Darkslides into unique pieces of art.” – Project Impossible.
. . .
Some of the ideas are practically impossible, like licking an elbow, or ironically impossible like milking a cow in a Gucci dress. I could do that, I just won’t. There are social impossibilities, physical impossibilities, and impossibilities that I’m glad are impossibilities, like living a perfectly planned life.
I’m not sure why looking at a list of impossibilities makes me feel so hopeful and optimistic, but it just does.
Hello few and faithful readers. It’s time once again for the predictable New Year post that has most blogs typin’ a flurry. I’m not one for resolutions, as aforementioned, but my sister asked me a provoking question yesterday: What’s one thing you hope happens this year?
I hope I move.
Sounds like a funny hope, but it’s the first and most genuine wish that came to mind. I’m about to graduate from college and I can’t wait to begin again, to start from scratch. To build a new family, to set up shop, to discover new coffee houses and sweet friendships.
I’m ready to turn the page. Nervous, but ready. I’m aware that I have many bittersweet goodbyes in front of me, but before this move takes place, wherever it leads me, I can’t wait to have a “last” of each college experience. I can’t wait to squeeze the last out of it.
I. can’t. wait. to see what God has planned.